I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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