There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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