The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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