Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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