the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
