i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
