Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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