Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
