We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
