glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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