Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
