so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
