I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize