If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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