And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
