Well douche your snatch and let's go!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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