He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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