Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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