Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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