she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
