so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
