I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
