the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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