I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
