I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
