I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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