I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
