Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
