It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
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They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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