i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
