so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
