I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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