I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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