She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
