Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
