Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
