he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
