My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
