An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
