apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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