she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
