i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
