I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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