Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
