Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
