You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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