remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
