When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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