Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
