It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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