We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
