apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
