So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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