If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
