i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
