I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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