If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
