I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
