Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize