really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
