just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
we're making bets on your personal life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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