Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
