Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
