I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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