2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
