hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
