I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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