You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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