i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
