I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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