I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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