There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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