I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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