I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
