lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
