I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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