Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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