I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
