Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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