no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
