remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
