If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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