The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
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There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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