no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
