Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
