The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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