come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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